Hamburger & Beans

As an answer to the soups, last night's dinner was the meat-lovers special - Hamburger & Beans from Jerry Knox, the male counterpart of Margaret Knox, provider of the Ham & Cheese Souffle recipe and 1/2 of the couple that makes up Josh's parents' Iowa BFFs.

Hamburger & Beans is a truly manly recipe - ground beef, bacon, beans, and a bunch of bar-b-que-ish sauces to drown it in. It veritably (and figuratively) reeks of cowboys cooking on the range. It literally smells like everything delicious. And pretty much tastes that way, too. Jerry's directions are hilariously open-ended. I am to include three types of beans (which types? who cares!), put in EITHER a dash or 1/3 cup of things, and simmer for an indeterminate amount of time. I think however, this just goes with the spirit of things - you can play with it and it is going to be okay no matter what. That's men-food for you.

Accordingly, making it is very straightforward and the result is somewhere between (bar-b-que-flavored) chili and sloppy joes. The various bar-b-que sauce elements remind me a little of the Sweet & Sour Meatballs--which isn't a bad thing. Something about the meat drowned in tangyness I guess.

My issue this time wasn't so much in making it as it was figuring out how to serve it. In a bowl? Will it need cheese and sour cream? On buns? Josh, I am sad to report, was no help on this front. He merely marched into the kitchen, announced, 'It smells right. And I can tell because I've had this before,' and then conveniently forgot how the Knoxes had served said right-smelling meal during his previous eatings of it.

Ultimately, I opted for a bowl, which turned out all right, although not ideal. I brought out the other potential accouterments (cheese, etc), but they were very unneeded. Were I to do this again (and I just may), I think I would serve it in a bun. It's kind of like a fun version of a pulled-pork sanwhich, only with beef. And beans. And bacon. And...

Toot. Toot.

Jerry Knox's Mantastic Hamburger & Beans

1/2 lb bacon, cut into 1/2" pieces
1 clove garlic, chopped
1/2 small onion, chopped*
1 lb ground beef
3 different kinds of beans, i.e., Bush's baked, navy, pinto, etc.
1/2 cup brown sugar**
1/2 cup bar-b-que sauce
1 tsp dry mustard
dashes of A1 and Heinz 57***
Salt and coarse ground pepper

Fry bacon, drain grease. Ask Josh if he wants to do this. Have Josh inform you that he does not enjoy frying bacon because it makes him feel 'covered in bacon grease,' but offer to bar-b-que the bacon, which it turns out, works just fine.

Brown garlic and onion. Add ground beef and brown. Add bacon even though it doesn't say this because obviously the bacon is supposed to be in the pan already, but since you put it on the bbq you have to know to put it in the pan. Amaaaazing.

Add - beans and rest of ingredients. Briefly wonder if you should drain beans. Decide Jerry would have told you this if he wanted you to. Wonder why you are only good at cooking things that are obviously very, very bad for you.

Simmer - the longer the better. Thanks Jerry.

*Onion chopping method used: Mike Milch's new wives' tale about how if you chew gum while chopping onions, it works. I tried it. It kind of worked. Weird.

** Or more. Can also add sorghum, which sounds to me like a terrible processed-food type of idea.

***Or 1/3 cup +/- of both.