Betty's Squash Casserole

I just did a search of my previous 39 posts (I have 39 posts!) and realized this is the first time my Aunt Marge gets a mention. This is crazy for several reasons.

First and foremost, because my Aunt Marge is awesome. She's my dad's sister, and even though she lived in Florida for most of my life when I was growing up, we still got to see her, my Uncle Roy, and my three cousins at least once a year, usually more. I routinely spent all of my Christmas break at her house, and more often than not one/several of my cousins were shipped up north for a stretch in the summers. Any excuse in my family is a perfectly good one to haul the load of us half way across the continent to hang out for a weekend. What? Great Thirteenth Cousin Farfel is having is graduation from the actuarial extension program? We should go. As a result, my cousins are more like siblings to me, which sits just fine in my book.

My aunt and I also share the Gordon sense of humor, which means we will often spout the same joke at the same time (often thirded by my father) and then crack up while everyone else stares at us like, 'I hope they don't start doing weird things with the napkins again.'

And she has the marvelous quality of not being phased in any way with any of my dramatics. As a kid if I would start to freak out about something, she was completely unimpressed. My theory is she was like, 'I have three kids, and two of them are twins. If you think I am going to care about this tantrum you are choosing to have over precisely nothing, you have clearly come to the wrong place.' As a result, mind you, I now have pierced ears because she had my cousin sit on me at the store while I was wailing that I would die because I 'said I was going to do it before I left the house so I have to.' Perfection.

However, you don't care, do you? You want to hear about food.

Which is fine because the second reason it is crazy we haven't come to Aunt Marge earlier is that she is a tremendous cook. She even wrote a cook book when I was younger (Jewish Cooking Made Slim - get your copy today!), and I just remember being thrilled with anything fun I got to eat when I was in Florida. I still remember coming home and trying to explain to my mother the wonder that was the fish called 'turbo.' I don't think she cared.

Sadly for me, my first recipe from Aunt Marge is one for squash. Betty's Squash Casserole, to be exact--which evidently hails from some northern Florida cookbook called Cross Creek Kitchens. I say 'sadly' because I do not like squash, or zucchini, the other vegetable that can be used in the casserole. Or, it must be said, most vegetables. If you aren't lettuce, asparagus, carrots or green beans, I am likely going to turn my nose up at you. I can only hope there are other entries by her elsewhere in the book.

Even sadder was my experience at the grocery store while stocking up for this recipe. I dashed out to the ghetto grocery at about 7 last night to just get my supplies. I should have been home almost before Josh noticed I was gone, but that was not to be.

I tried to start off by getting in line for the ATM, but the woman in front of me apparently had never used one before, nor was aware that the polite thing to do might have been to let the person behind her go ahead so she could wrestle with it in peace. Instead, I stood behind her for, and I am not exaggerating, I think about 20 minutes, while she fed her checks into the machine ONE BY ONE and then followed it up with huge wads of cash - all of which she would then misprogram for some reason and then get spit out at her again and again. I know, I know, 'Why didn't you just shop and then come back to the ATM?' Good idea in theory, but I know myself, which means if I stepped away from the ATM I would either forget or decide not to bother and then would still have that errand to do later. So I held my ground, and tried not to kill her.

When that festival was over, I discovered that 7 o'clock was evidently, 'Bring your children to the grocery store and then let them scream like maniacs in the middle of the aisles Hour.' That was followed up by another half hour wait in the check out line while the woman in front of me paid with her WIC cards and the teenage couple behind me read sex tips from Cosmo to each other at top volume while standing virtually on top of me.

By the time I came home I looked like a crazed maniac. Josh did the smart thing and opened a bottle of wine and fed it to me, and I did the smart thing and drank it, so by the time the casserole was done I was feeling much better - albeit far less trustworthy in the kitchen.

As far as the casserole itself goes, preparation was VERY easy and VERY quick. I managed one mouthful of the casserole and confirmed that I don't like squash, but Josh (as Aunt Marge's instructions predicted) loved it. Not only did he ask for an increased serving after the first mouthful, but he polished it off before the rest of the meal.

Now I have a crapload of squash in my fridge, but luckily we're having friends over to dinner tonight, so I bet I can get rid of it.

Does the jaunty angle make my ass look big?

Betty's Squash Casserole (from Aunt Marjorie)

10-12 smallish zucchini or yellow squash, sliced (or, I imagine, any other vegetables I dislike)
8 oz sharp cheddar, shredded
1/4 cup butter or margarine
1 cup Pepperidge Farm herb stuffing mix (or, in my case, a suitable herb stuffing substitute as Pepperidge Farm wasn't there)
salt & pepper to taste
1/4 cup extra stuffing mix for top

Wonder how to slice squash, as you have never prepared one before. As you are slicing, feed bits of it to the dog, who it turns out loves squash. So that's one of us.

Put onion* and squash (you can mix zucchini and yellow squash) into a largish pot with about an inch or two of water. Steam them for about three or four minutes and drain well. Realize - because Josh tells you - that you can actually use your steamer (or fish poacher, which doubles as a veggie steamer). Put Josh in charge of the steaming and put yourself in charge of drinking more. Thank you Josh.

Mix in the rest of the ingredients without event. Pour into an 8x12 greased casserole. Wonder aloud, 'How big are these pans?' and have Josh pull out his tape measure and measure your pans so we could pick one. Think, I REALLY need to get a proper casserole dish.

Sprinkle extra stuffing mix on top. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Feed to Josh.

Aunt Marge says: I love this recipe. It's foolproof. It uses up a lot of zuchhini when there are too many in the garden. It freezes well. It can be served at room temp. It is hearty enough for vegetarians to eat as a main dish. Everyone loves it and asks for the recipe. It uses only a few ingredients that are easy to find. Is that enough? Oh - can be doubled!

Aunt Marge also says: P.S. I don't know who Betty is, in case you wondered.

*Onion chopping method: the infallible Mike Milch's method, because you guys haven't sent me more crazy ideas.