Apple Cake

Last night we had some friends over, ostensibly to saturate their eyes with our giant TV screening room (now and forever named 'Screenzilla' by our friend Dave). Yes. I have a screening room. I have no job, and no money, but I do have a really fancy screening room in my basement. Welcome to LA.

But before screenzilla came food, and with six of us to feed for dinner I defaulted to my go-to lasagna. But THAT wasn't in the recipe book, so no matter how much everyone loves it and how many pounds of cheese it requires (at least 6), YOU DON'T GET TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

What you do get to hear about, however, is the Apple Cake I made for dessert. As I was already making said lasagna, I was hoping not to have to put in too much more effort for the Recipe Book item. So I hunted through the dessert chapter in search of something that appeared relatively simple and for which I had the ingredients in the house. And voila - Apple Cake submitted by Josh's parents' friends, Ron and Cindy Myers - fit the bill.

I don't know the Myers super well, but I do enjoy them. Ron Myers is with the veterinary school at Iowa State, so I periodically enjoy cornering him and asking him neurotic questions about animals when I'm in Ames. And in response I think he enjoys looking at me like, 'You may be insane. But I am going to hold my tongue because you are my good friends' daughter-in-law.' Either that or he is looking at me like, 'I would like to get home and watch 60 Minutes; boy, these new shoes are neat,' but I'm just assuming everything is about me. One of the two.

The recipe is listed as coming from Ron's grandmother, which gives me the idea that it was Ron who wrote the recipe down. Then I use reason and realize it was probably Cindy who kindly gave it to us. However, in my mind, I like to think of Ron, who kind of has the slightly-weathered-Robert-Redford-esque-aging-redhead thing going, sitting there and writing it, thinking, 'God damn them.' I don't know why he would think that. But it's amusing.

ANYHOOT, in addition to being easy, the Apple Cake recipe also offered me the benefit of getting to use a bundt pan for possibly the first time in my life, which is interesting since I actually own two of them. AND my delightful apple slicer. Oh how I do love the kitchen gadgets.

I was in flagrante de-Apple Cake at 5 PM when the handyman came to give me an estimate on some work we need done. I suddenly realized I was shuffling around my kitchen in an apron like Donna Reed, the apple cake baking in the oven and lasagna noodles boiling on the stove. I may as well have been sipping on a sherry in a poodle skirt asking him if he wanted to take a trip to cliche-ville. Luckily he did not laugh at me, and I did not burn said Apple Cake out of humiliation.

The friends arrived. We fed them cheese and then more cheese. And bread. And wine. I complained about my loud neighbors with the ranchero discotheque. They responded with stories about explosive diarrhea. We all agreed that Ben Stiller and Christopher Guest are assholes, but Bradley Cooper may not be the douche you think he is, and Jamie Lee Curtis is still hot. And then the cat made an appearance and the world stopped and everyone stared at him like he was a rare endangered panda that we caught on the one day of the year he speaks Swedish.

The dog noticed our shock and awe offered to interpret. 'That's the cat,' he said (in my mind). 'This is what you do to the cat.' Then he walked over and started licking the cat's face and turning his ears inside out. I know this is what was happening because I heard Mac exclaim, 'What's he DOING to him!?'

The only way to follow up that kind of a show is obviously with Apple Cake. Josh trotted out the whipped cream that he made by hand (Oh, Iowa) and everyone completely forgot about the weird beast-on-beast love they'd just witnessed.

You will be completely un-floored to hear I am not much of an apple cake person. However, when Dinah pointed out it was sort of like coffee cake, I will admit the reconceptualization helped immensely for me. Everyone else appeared to love it. I even sold a round of seconds. It WAS pretty moist. So there.

Do you like my bundt?

Apple Cake

4 cups finely chopped apples (or, you know, something like that)
2 eggs
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup chopped nuts (walnuts, cuz that's what's in the hizzouse)

Thank heavens that you replenished apple supply the other day. And that chopping apples doesn't sting your eyes.

Preheat oven to 325. Do dance that you get to use a bundt pan. Grease and flour said bundt pan.

Mix eggs and sugar in a large bowl.

Add oil and vanilla and beat until well mixed.

Add apples.

Mix dry ingredients and then fold into wet. Marvel that there is nothing more amusing to say about this.

Add nuts.

Place into bundt pan, distributing evenly (batter is thick).

Bake 1 hour until a tester inserted in center comes out clean. Insert tester after an hour. It does not come out anything resembling clean. Set it for a few more minutes.

Cool in pan 1/2 hour. Then invert on plate.

Myers note: Good served with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream.

Heather note: Makes Midwesterners desire coffee with it.

The cake eaters, featuring Mac hilariously too
busy inhaling his cake to pose for photo. Score.