Hawaiian Banana Bread

Next in the 'bread' section (read: surreptitious breakfast section) is a recipe for Banana Bread from the lovely Park Avenue Weiners - Tommy, Tracy & Josh. As Weiners, they are considered cousins of mine, although really they are cousins of my cousins, which means I have no idea what we actually are to each other. But in my family it counts. So they're my cousins.

Now that I have put you to sleep with my family tree, back to food. I find Banana Bread a good solid entry for a recipe book; it's a good thing to be able to make. It stretches aging bananas so you don't have to waste them, and of course everyone loves it. Everyone, that is, save for me.

Are you honestly surprised?

I'm not much of a banana person, so a bread dedicated to it isn't exactly my idea of a sinful treat. But whatever, Josh loves it as does the rest of the world and it's easy to make and good to bring in for, like, breakfast meetings and things like that. So like I said: a good solid contribution to any recipe book.

To that end I will say that Tracy's Banana Bread recipe was quite a good one. One of my oldest and best friends, Nick, was in town visiting for the weekend (his brother/our friend Mike was busy getting his doctorate degree from USC because he's, you know, a total dimwit), so we had the Mistry boys over and I fed them the Banana Bread. Their mom is a seriously great cook, so they have high standards, and they hoovered it right up. So I say their blessing proclaims Tracy's Banana Bread a success.

Daylight come and me wanna eat banana bread

Hawaiian Banana Bread

1 1/4 cup sifted flour
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup vegetable shortening or oil
2 eggs
1 cup mashed bananas (about 3)
1/2 cup nuts if desired (yes please)
1/4 tsp allspice if desired (oui)
1/4 tsp cinnamon if desired (si)
1/4 tsp cloves if desired (ja)

Sift dry ingredients into bowl. Wonder if 'sift' means anything other than dump in and mix. Be pleased as spiked punch that you have all the 'if desired' ingredients in the house, and therefore include all of them with no regard to how they will actually affect the final outcome.

Blend in shortening. Add mashed bananas and well beaten eggs. Decide the 'about three' guidelines re: banana amount is good enough and just mash up three bananas without bothering to actually measure how much it amounts to. Do not overmix.

Pour into buttered and floured pan 9x9x12. Completely ignore 9x9x12 instruction and instead use a loaf pan because as far as you are concerned that is what people make banana bread in.

Level with back of spoon and set down on table sharply to remove holes. Apologize to dog for scary noise.

Bake 40 to 45 minutes or until it tests done in the middle. Take out of oven afer 45 minutes and proclaim it done. Have Josh tell you it is grossly underdone. Realize you are reaping what you sewed with the loaf pan.

Have Josh return it to the oven for 15 more minutes or so, setting the oven's self-timer so that it should theoretically go off by itself after said 15 minutes. Leave the house for a walk and brunch. Hope very strongly that the oven does indeed go off as it should lest you come home to a burnt down pile of rubble. Eat lunch, keeping an ear out for fire engines and plotting to sue IKEA/Whirlpool if their self-timer feature fails and destroys all your belongings. Console yourself with the knowledge that your dog is with you and the cat is outside, so at least no one would die.

Big, ready to run home and put out the would-be fire

Return home, spotting the house from afar, with no flames leaping from the windows or smoke snaking from the roof. Approach house, which does not have a fire engine parked in front of it. Go inside to discover the oven went off as planned and banana bread is now done appropriately.

Let stand five minutes after removing from oven - loosen edges. Let cool.

Refrigerate several hours wrapped in waxed paper and then foil. Or don't bother and just feed it immediately to Mistry boys upon their arrival. Send remainder back to Pittsburgh with Mike like an old grandma.