Ponzi Bread

So the winner of the first 'I'm not going to like it' lottery was Josh's mom's Ponzi Bread recipe. I actually have to confess I did go out of order in the recipe book because I had it in my head that this one was the next one and wasn't keen on changing my mind. There will be a couple of bumps in the road like this while I work the skeptical recipes in. You will have to deal with it.

SO. Anyhow. Bread. With olives. Not even fresh olives. Canned olives. That I am not going to like. And that is going to insult my mother-in-law when I make it and have to profess my disgust because it was her recipe. Awesome.

On the upside, it has very few ingredients and appears to take no time at all to cook. And our friend Mike was staying with us, so I would have two different people to fob it off on.

I go to the grocery store. I get the ingredients. I think to myself, this is canned stuff, it is just going to be horrid. I think, I should go rogue and get fresh. Then I think, no, I will do the recipe as it is. As you can see I have a fascinating mental dialogue.

When Josh gets home, I am already working in the kitchen. He sees me open a can of olives, takes one look at the loaf of bread on the counter and yells, "YOU ARE MAKING PONZI BREAD!" and proceeds to lose his mind. It seems that Ponzi Bread is one of his favorite things in the world. I figured this was the likely effect of my trying recipes his mom amassed for me, and boy was I right. Josh is dancing around, preaching to me the virtues of Ponzi Bread. Explaining to me that Ponzi Bread is "more than just olives, more than just mushrooms." It is "bigger than that," it seems. It, you should know, is "more than the sum of its parts," an equation that yields Josh ambrosia.

This is what Josh looks like when you give him Ponzi Bread.

I also have learned the lore of the famed Ponzi bread. Ponzi was a family friend of the Huntingtons back in the good old days when they lived in Colorado. Ponzi's family had an Italian restaurant or always brought this delicious bread to dinner parties or something (Hello details, nice to meet you, my name is Heather). This recipe is Josh's mom's attempt at figuring out what was in his delicious bread. Also, his name has nothing to do with Ponzi schemes. His real name was actually Ponzaleschi or Arthur Ponzarelli, or something equally as Italian. This, I was informed, is crucial.

So, anyhow, I made the Ponzi Bread, and fed it to Josh, who bounced off the walls and insisted I eat it. I took a doubtful taste, heart brimming with skepticism, ready to say, 'There, I bit it, now can I please eat cupcakes for dinner?.' And God damn it, it's good. Ponzi bread is 100% more than the sum of its parts. It is delicious garlic bread goodness. I will make it again. If you live near me, fully expect me to bring Ponzi Bread to a dinner party or serve it at one of mine. And then expect me to tell you how amazing I am at making it.

PONZI BREAD*

4 oz can chopped ripe olives
4 oz can mushrooms (chop finely--or ignore that instruction completely and dump can into mixture like I did)**
1 stick butter
1/2 tsp garlic salt
1 loaf Italian or French bread

1. Preheat broiler. Think to self how you really need a proper broiler pan. Plan on making do with cookie sheet.
2. Melt butter. Add garlic salt and heat on v low for a few mins.
3. Add olives & mushrooms. Think about how you have finally admitted to yourself that you do not like olives, and are about to have that theory completely destroyed.
4. Spread onto sliced bread. Send Josh to basement to get you the wine called for in #5.
5. Broil just until the topping bubbles. Smoke is a bad sign--it is best to take a glass of wine, station yourself by the broiler, take a deep breath, and watch and wait. Realize that if your mother-in-law suggests drinking wine, you will do this. Watch bread like hawk, and yank it from the oven at the first little tee pee puff of smoke. Slice it and feed it to Josh. Be informed you took it out prematurely, and instruct your readers that perhaps it should cook for a bit longer than you did.

6. Eat Ponzi Bread, and some crow while you're at it. Delicious.

Ponzi Bread

*Total cooking and prep time and effort in Ponzi Bread, it must be noted, is negligible. It couldn't have taken me 15 minutes from start to finish. Ridiculously simple for a good pay off.

**Evidently there should also be ~ 4oz of Parmesan in this, too. Somehow said Parmesan didn't make it's way into my recipe book, but I can only imagine it will make the whole delightful Ponzi Bread experience even more wonderful.