Cheese Puffs

Last weekend, I bust out my friend Alexis's Cheese Puff recipe for some new friends, Patrick, Nicole, and Andrew, when they came over for dinner. Alexis and her husband Craig are friends from the dog park in Chicago. How many years ago was that now? Five? Six? When Big was just a puppy and Josh and I were first living together in our (pretty fantastic) apartment in Bucktown. I was still freelancing/working from home (sounds familiar), and as soon as Big was old enough (i.e., had the proper shots), I would take him every morning to the dog park a few blocks away. Rain or shine, I would sludge those few blocks lead by the happy dog butt pulling ahead of me and we would play fetch until he was too hot, I was too cold, the snow made his paws bleed, or it was just plain old time to go.

In exchange for this hour or so of park time, Big would put his puppy/border collie behaviors aside and actually sleep for the rest of the day so that I could work. And I got to interact with humans, which helped immensely with fighting the isolation of working at home, especially for an extrovert like me. Still, after dragging us out on 5 degree days in 17 layers of clothes (for me and Big, who found dog coats humiliating even if I told him all his friends were wearing them) so he could slide around on the ice in a park deserted by all other sane people, I would sometimes wish we could strike another deal.

Big had two best friends at this park - a Vizsla named Milo and a Rhodesian Ridgeback named Riley. And Riley's mom was Alexis. When I first met Alexis, she was pregnant with her first (of now three) kids, but you'd never know it. She'd stand out there in her long coat, grateful, like the rest of us I assume, for the interaction and for the fact that the puppy got to burn off some energy. She had the baby that winter (February, I believe?), and after a week or so away from the park was back in action, with grandma and grandpa cooing over a bundled up baby Dylan in his stroller while Riley got her ya-yas out. Dylan in his stroller soon became the newest park fixture, and as a result (I think?) could sleep through anything--or at least barking running dogs wrestling and playing fetch.

In addition to being a fun friend, Alexis always seemed to me to be a great mother. Very unflappable, very unfazed, very confident. I think this is because (if I recall correctly) she had worked at daycare and therefore had gotten the nervous will-I-accidentally-kill-this-child fears out of her system years ago. And if I ever do have kids, I think Alexis is at the top of the list of people I may call for advice.

Despite my reverence for Alexis's mothering skills, I will admit I had my misgivings about the Cheese Puffs--albeit misgivings entirely unrelated to her. The issue is merely that after the Aunt Ellen-esque Cheesy Poofs, I have now grown a thick, hard-wired skepticism of any and all other cheese puffs. I mean, honestly, how can they compete? It simply isn't fair.

However, they had to be made. And Alexis is quite the perfect homemaker type, so it would stand to reason that even if they weren't the ambrosia that is Cheesy Poofs, they would be good. And on Saturday, we were having our new BFFs over, so it was a good time to give them a shot.

As mentioned, the new BFFs were Patrick, Andrew, and Nicole. I met Patrick and Andrew at the Austin Film Festival and it was love at first beer. Megan knew Andrew from the improv scene, so he was pre-vetted, and he and Patrick are writing partners. And they live in LA. How can a girl get so lucky? They were easily the finds of the weekend, and I came home yapping to Josh about how excited I was about my (our) new friends.

Since then it's been, 'Andrew said this' and 'Patrick said that' (oh, how I love wiling the days away with instant messenger). And last Saturday it was finally time to complete the circle. I got to meet Patrick's wife Nicole and Josh got to meet everyone. Of course it went swimmingly. Big humped his bed (oh dear God) and fetched, and Nicole and I vociferously discussed the ins and outs of Tiger Beat magazine and agreed that New Jersey and Boston are essentially the same thing, while the guys basically held on for dear life. Actually, Josh gave it a college try ('After many years, I have learned to just leap in and start yelling,' quoth my polite Iowa husband, who, during a point over Thanksgiving when my father, mother, and I were all talking at once just started exclaiming, 'Talking! Talking!' Which, you will be amazed to hear, actually shut us all up).

The delight of the evening was surely aided by Alexis's Cheese Puffs, even though I presented them dubiously at best (see Cheesy Poofs bias above), with a, 'I don't have high hopes for these.' Despite said dubiosity, they were well-received by all. Andrew was talking about them the next day and Josh just ate them all weekend, despite the fact that they mostly got neglected and left out on the counter (no tupperware or freshness attempts employed).

The recipe calls for 1/2 lb of butter, which really doesn't exactly mingle with the cheese during the melting process. Not sure if I did something wrong or not, but what basically happened is the bread soaked up an unbelievable amount of butter and then the cheese mixture coated the outside. How two things in the same pan could stay so separate is beyond me. But as a result, even the day-old Cheese Puffs were oozing butter when you ate them. Which is nice, albeit a little overwhelming IMO.

I think it best to not even think of them as in the same realm as the Cheesy Poofs. They are entirely different creatures. These are blocks of bread soaked in butter and cheese. Those are a mixture of different dairy products to create a puffy pastry. And both are good in their own way. There. Isn't that better?

I said 'Puffs,' not 'Poofs'

Alexis's New-Friend-Winning Cheese Puffs

6 oz cream cheese
1/2 lb butter
1/2 lb extra sharp cheddar
1 tsp dry mustard
4 egg whites, beaten stiff
1 lb unsliced white bread (sliced texas toast works really well, too)

Day before Patrick, Nicole, and Andrew come over, read the recipe and wonder where I will find unsliced white bread, neglecting to realize the answer is 'in the bakery section of your super market.' Instead, buy box of white bread mix for Josh to make in his favorite trusty bread maker. Ah, thank God again for Josh. And the bread maker.

Day of Patrick, Nicole, and Andrew coming over, melt cheese, butter, and mustard in pan. Notice that the butter isn't exactly mixing with the cheese, but accept that after ample stirring this must be how it is supposed to be.

Gently fold egg whites into the mixture, which you discover means you have to use the whisk and not the spatula like you were doing because that just wasn't working. Notice thanks to the white egg whites and the bright orange cheddar that the mixture has now taken on this pink-y/salmon-y day-glo color. Disturbing.

Remove crust and cut bread into 1" cubes. Thank you Josh and the bread maker. Does that sound like a children's book? Uncle Josh and the Bread Maker.

Dip in cheese mixture, which is kind of gross and kind of hot (temperature hot, not sexy hot). Put on wax paper cookie sheet and freeze. Wonder if the freezing process is essential to the Cheese Puff experience. Debate just putting them into the oven, but decide they should be frozen just in case. Be thankful for Josh some more because thanks to him you have the spare pizza & beer freezer in the basement, which has room for these things - although you do have to perch the tray on top of a frozen turkey and hope there isn't an avalanche of frozen cheese puffs when you open later.

To serve: Remove from freezer (no avalanche! score!) and bake in 400 degree oven on lightly greased cookie sheet for 10-12 minutes. Win friends. Influence people.