Beef Brisket

A disturbing thing happened last week. I was getting ready to make the Beef Brisket/Pot Roast recipe given to me by my parents' friends Karen and Mike Davis when a thought washed over me. And that thought was, 'This handwriting looks an awful lot like the handwriting on the Cheesy Poof recipe.'

This might not immediately seem ominous to you, so let me explain. The Cheesy Poof recipe is the cherished hot cheese puff recipe handed down to me through the family and which originated with my very sweet, culinarily gifted, and now passed on Great Aunt Ellen. I used to love those things at family events when she brought them, and when she died a few years ago I thought the recipe went with her to her grave. Then the recipe showed up in the Recipe Book as a miraculous Hail Mary from the beyond via my cousin Justin (Ellen's grandson) and his wife, Karen.

Davis.

Yes, that is right. There were two Karen Davises invited to the wedding, and both of them contributed to the Recipe Book. You know where this is going now, don't you?

'Oh no,' I thought. I quickly did a skim through the Recipe Book. You see, the Karen Davis who contributed the Cheesy Poof recipe has some pretty distinctive handwriting.

Exhibit A

Unfortunately, it's not the same handwriting as that which appears on the Tortellini recipe from my cousin Karen with her return address stuck on the page.

Uh-oh

However, it does look an awful lot like the handwriting for the Pot Roast recipe from my parents' friend, which had her return address taped to it.

Crap

And just like that, my Aunt Ellen's recipe slipped back over the line to the beyond.

I was pretty bummed. Although truth be told, these Cheese Puffs are so close to Aunt Ellen's that I thought they were hers. So maybe it's the same recipe? Either way, they remind me enough of hers that I'm declaring them the same. Plus, now I know that my parents' friend Karen is a kick ass cook. So there's that.

I know that Parents' Friend Karen is a kick ass cook because in addition to her killer Cheesy Poofs, I made her Pot Roast last week. We were having a mini Iowa reunion on Friday night -- Josh's friend Mark was passing through town on his way down to Mission Viejo for a triathlon, and our other two good Ames friends who happen to live in the area, Judd and Cassie, came by for dinner and Rock Band. Mark is am amazing triathlete, and when I say this I mean only the top triathletes (one per gender) from their state qualify for this Mission Viejo race (translation: Mark is the best male triathlete in all of Wisconsin) and he recently also became the best ranked male triathlete in the nation for his age range. In short, Mark weighs 12 pounds and is very fast.

He and Josh have been friends since maybe around the first grade, so he's a very easy, very fun house guest to have. And then you bring Judd and Cassie over, and these four have known each other for over two decades. Nonetheless, I never feel even the slightest like an interloper, which I guess is Iowa hospitality at its finest. They are sweet and fun and funny. We alternated between pumping quiet Mark for personal information and trying to convince him he should try out for the Olympics and then headed downstairs for a pretty amusing round of Rock Band.

In between, I fed everyone Parents' Friend Karen's Pot Roast. I had extremely low expectations for the Pot Roast. I say this because I do not like Pot Roast. I never have. It falls squarely (albeit under the name of 'brisket') onto the list of Jewish foods I sacrilegiously dislike. In fact, I saved it for this night so that with the others there at least someone would eat it -- because I knew I sure as hell wasn't going to.

Pros: Pot Roast is ridiculously fast and easy to make. Buy giant slab of beef. Slop slab of beef in pan. Cut up carrots & potatoes and chuck them in pan, too. Put in oven for a few hours. The end.

Cons: It gets very well done and tends to have the texture (and flavor) of a wet, leathery shoe.

However, I wasn't wagering on Parents' Friend Karen's sauce that went atop said Pot Roast, which it turns out, was transformative. As was the fact that she gave the option to cook it for between three and four hours, so I took it out after three which made it less shoe and more beef.

What I'm saying here is: I ate it. Not only did I eat it, I asked for more.

Unfortunately, taking it out after three hours did not properly service the carrots & potatoes, which were underdone - to say the least. God bless the Iowans, they all ate them anyhow, but the potatoes and carrots were simply not cooked. For the carrots that's okay, but for the potatoes...well, I have good friends is all I can say. Good friends who love me so much they eat my raw potatoes and say thank you and tell me they were tasty.

Oh, and of course, Mark won the Mission Viejo race. Are you honestly surprised?

Admit it. This looks pretty bad ass.

Parents' Friend Karen Davis's Beef Brisket (aka Pot Roast)

1 pkg onion soup mix (Lipton's, y'all)
1 8 oz can tomato sauce
1 can whole cranberry sauce
water
3 lbs brisket
red bliss potatoes - half or quartered
1 bag carrots (presumably peeled and cut, and you know, sans the bag part)

Mix onion soup, tomato sauce, 1-2 cans water, cranberry sauce together. Wonder, 'By "cans of water" does she mean the 8 oz tomato sauce cans or the 15 oz cranberry sauce cans?' Just fill up one of them most of the way twice and hope for the best.

Put brisket in a disposable deep pan. Or be environmentally friendly and use your non-disposable roaster pan because it is attractive AND doesn't need to wind up in a trash dump. You are amazing.

Add potatoes and carrots. Assume that by this Karen means, 'Cut the potatoes in half or quarters, leaving on the skin, but cutting out any eyes if you see them. Then peel and cut the carrots into loving chunks. Feed a few to the dog while you're at it. Put rest in the pan with the brisket.'

Pour mixture over. Cover with tin foil. Bake 3-4 hours at 300 degrees. Cool in refrigerator and cut the next day. Reheat. Or screw that, and serve it as soon as it comes out of the oven.

Discover that after 3 hours, the Pot Roast is done perfectly, nowhere near as terrible as usual. And the sauce is absolutely delightful--tangy and fantastic. The carrots & potatoes, however, are nowhere near done. Have no idea why this is (too many carrots & potatoes in the pan?) or how to remedy it. Is the choice one between overdone meat and underdone veg? Would changing the temperature of the oven make a difference? I have no idea.

Parents' Friend Karen Note: This is good for a week. Slice thin. Can be reheated again and again. Vary as you see fit.